Friday, October 21, 2011

So close...but so far.

So just this morning I finished the second round of edits for the Harrowing, but I'm *still* not done. Still! I have to format, add a prologue, somehow get a cover made and who knows what other little steps there are. I started writing last year during Christmas break so this has taken me nearly a year. I have two sequels still to write; this is turnng into a very long process. But it's been rewarding; getting to use my imaginatin and creativity is fantastic.

That said *deep breath* here is an excerpt from chapter one. This is the first time I've ever put it online. *cringes* Be gentle.


I was lying awake in bed, unable to sleep, when I heard hushed voices, the stifle of a high-pitched laugh. I listened for a moment but my curiosity overtook me and I got out of bed, putting on my evening robe and stepping into the hall. I held my breath and searched in the darkness. I knew the night guards roamed this area, as all of our bedchambers were in this wing. I heard the whispers again, and I slowly padded forward, avoiding the torches against the wall so as to stay in the darkness.
            The voices were coming from my mother and father’s chamber; it disturbed me considering my father was travelling and not due back for another few days. As I approached, I could hear my mother. The torch behind me, just one of several that lined the corridor, let me see into her doorway. I hid behind a stone pillar, out of sight. My mother stood in her doorway and a shadowy figure was in front of her. His back was to me. He must have been wearing dark clothes and had dark hair because I could see nothing else. He was leaning in close to her face.
            “You must go,” my mother whispered, but her tone indicated she did not really want him to leave. “If you do not, I’ll just want you to come back inside.” Ah, there was the wish.
            “And would that be such a bad thing?” the man asked, his deep voice matching his dark appearance.
            My mother laughed. I normally found her laugh to be rather musical and pleasant, but this was different. It was melted with desire. “Mmmm goodness, no,” she said. Then her face went out of view as the man leaned in and kissed her. When her face reappeared, it was obvious she was staring into his eyes. The expression she wore sickened me. “But you know how it is, and has always been.”
            “I will return then, when the time comes. When you are in need of my company,” the man said.
            “I don’t just need you, you know. I may be lonely without my King here, but you know of my feelings.”
            “Until next time it will be then, my dear. My Queen,” said the man, bowing slightly low. He turned, walking down the hall, and as he did, I caught part of his face; his eyes. The torch gave me enough light to see the pools of ocean in his face.


Ron Leighton said...

I like the mystery and the misbehaving mom here, and the sneaking around of the daughter at night make me want to read more.

Technically speaking, I would say what has been said to me: try to get rid of every single "was" if you can. Rework those sentence so there is no "was". It always improves a sentence. Makes the whole thing more active. :)

Can't wait to see more. :)

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